Flying to visit my in-laws, I am reminded how much we take for granted. Like my husband’s mom, now 88, and a part of his life for so long it is easier to imagine she will always be here than face the fact that time is marching on. Of course logically, we know what is true, but emotionally our psyches have decided we can only handle what is. We can’t test the feelings out. We have no mechanism that allows us to experience such a loss outside of the experience, itself. There doesn’t seem to be a way to prepare for it. Maybe worry is the best we can do. Yet, worrying seems so futile. I know it seems to have its place in our lives. We do worry but in all the time we have here on earth, in this shape and in this form, what can worry really provide?
Life is only for the living. This day and every single day is what is real.
If not now, then when do we really live?
From one dimension we live to have experiences, collect memories and gather dreams of someday and fulfill those you can. Daily thoughts are what drive us forward, ground us and provide us with a place and meaning. Backward and forward we carve out our lives. But what do we miss? What about living it? The awareness of taking everything in, from the sound of the air off the wings of this plane to the touch of my husbands arm against mine, to the writing of these words on this page. Knowing each moment, attending every opportunity; the now.
Breathing means you are here. The breath of the experience is both external and internal. The external resources provide us with stimulation. We are engaged by something outside of ourselves. We are reactive. It provides us tensions, good and bad. We experience highs and lows, intensity and numbness. Our reaction is like a rubber band, ever expanding and retracting. Externally we feel we are living.
The internal experience is quite different. Internally, we are wholly responsible for each moment we breathe. Here, we turn our awareness inward. By choosing to quiet the external noise and focus inward, we become familiar with our intuitive, creative, and enlightened voice; the rich and uncompromised inner spirit, in which we share a bigger universe and experience deeper and more meaningful influence. Internally we know the impact one life can make. The soul that is at work, the spirit that moves with us. Internally, there is light, strength and clarity.
In the end, yes, of course we die.
But in truly living, there’s more to it than that.